


and i’m terrified (but i can’t resist)

by hopelessrdj



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Crushes, Fluff, Idiots in Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:00:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27801181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopelessrdj/pseuds/hopelessrdj
Summary: Alex Claremont-Diaz used to think that love meant painful chase but he finds himself wondering what would happen if he tried to keep a certain stranger for longer than just one night.
Relationships: Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor
Comments: 6
Kudos: 47





	and i’m terrified (but i can’t resist)

**Author's Note:**

> this is a rewrite of one of my old works that i decided wold fit in the firstprince universe. it’s been a while since i posted so i decided to try this to get a hold of their characters before i start writing the works i have planned for them. hope you’ll enjoy

_You got hips like Jagger and two left feet_ _  
And I wonder if you'd like to meet_

If you asked him Henry wouldn’t really say they were friends. They were acquaintances obviously. It was inevitable with the amount of mutual friends they shared and they would recognize each other on the corridors at uni sometimes even managing a casual small talk here and there. They meet at every party from actual big ones to casual board games & movies friends meeting. But they weren’t close.

Today was one of those days when they all meet at the club, Bea threatening to drag his corpse if she had to along with her that stare which he swore could turn him to stone was enough of a reason for him to go. And as he was enjoying his stone cold bear by the bar he was looking at his friends in the varying stages of intoxication his eyes drew to that one short form in the middle of the dancefloor.

He wouldn’t exactly say that Alex couldn’t dance. Yes he may have two left feet but he was so charismatic and energetic and had the general aura of fun around him that no one really cared to notice.

Henry swore he could hear his laugh even from the other side of the room despite the loud music and if he looked close enough he could see the shine in his eyes each time a new song came along

It was obvious how magnetic the boy was, it’s like everyone on the dancefloor was edging closer to him with each second just craving for at least a tiny bit of his attention. And he would lie to himself if he said he didn’t, on multiple occasions, think he would love to be like this as well.

But he’s comfortable by the bar and that won’t change any time soon he thinks as he orders another beer and looks around to June happily dancing with Nora, half finished drink in her hand.

“Hey Prince Charming, aren’t you getting too comfy?” he swore he didn’t flinch when he heard that voice

“I wish I could get a dollar every time you use this nickname” he answers jokingly while not looking up

“Next beer’s on me but I get to use the nickname again” he bargains while ordering a whiskey neat and taking a sit himself and before Henry has a chance to answer he pays for both drinks.

“got bored out there?” Henry laughs while tilting his head towards the dance floor

“Yes actually. Contrary to popular belief I like quiet bars and good company as much as crowds and dancing. If not more” he answers and takes the first sip, his whiskey the exact colour of his eyes. “But you on the other hand. Should consider dancing. One day I’ll make you.”

Henry doesn’t know if it’s a threat or a promise but when Alex smiles widely at him he finds himself wondering if they could be friends outside of their friend group. He wonders if he asked, would Alex like to meet him outside of all this? Or would it be awkward for just the two of them.

“Damn charmer. You think so much your head will explode one day. Do you ever have fun?” he obviously jokes and continues talking before Henry gets a chance to answer

They sit there in the back of the bar discussing music, and politics and their best friends’ relationships making bets on who’s gonna get married earlier Pez, Nora and June or Beatrice. And he tries not to think about the fact that it’s been hours since Alex came to sit beside him and he’s never seen him spend so much time in one place before. And he would never admit he doesn’t want him to go because he didn’t have this much fun in months.

From time to time Alex would crack a joke that he thinks is hilarious or go on a rant about something he’s exceptionally passionate about as if they were the best of friends and boundaries didn’t exist and he looks at him with those warm brown eyes and smiles even wider when he sees that he cares and listens to every single word he says. And with that newfound sense of familiarity comes another thing.

Henry can’t really place this feeling. Is it attraction? Curiosity? A healthy mix of both? He doesn’t really know. All he knows is: he’s never felt that way about anyone before.

And before the night ends Alex gives him his number and asks to repeat this night again.

And who is Henry to say no to that?

_Your voice is velvet through a telephone_

_You can come to mine_

_But both my roommates are home_

_Think I know a bar_

_Where they would leave us alone_

_And I wonder if you’d take it slow?_

Henry Fox Mountchristen isn’t a coward, he’s everything but actually. He’s witty, and charming and eloquent and usually not the one to shy away from a challenge. He’s always been a confident man which is why it bothers him that suddenly messaging Alex Claremont-Diaz seems like a really problematic task.

It’s been two days since they’ve last seen each other. He originally planned to message him the next morning. He even opened the app and started typing but somehow he just wouldn’t hit send. At first the message didn’t sound right. Then it crossed his mind that Alex’s probably hungover and he wouldn’t like to wake him up. Then he thought he’s probably spending time with June and Nora and why would he disturb them right? And somehow it turned into hours. And hours turned into days. And the longer it took for him to message the more awkward it has become.

He was rewriting the text for what felt like 10th time when he decided it wasn’t going to work and clicked the phone button instead. He wasn’t really sure what he’s hoping for. Him picking up? Him deciding it was a mistake and ignoring his phone call? One thing he knew is: he wasn’t ready for his raspy voice picking up after the first signal

“Took you long enough, charmer. Thought you lost my number” Henry could clearly hear the voices in the background, which upon closer inspection ended up to be a political debate Alex must be watching on TV

“I gave your drunken ass time to recover after the Friday night” he said, his sass more prominent when they haven’t seen each other face to face

“I need you to know I was perfectly fine on Saturday morning thank you very much” fake offence clear in his voice

“Bet June wouldn’t agree. Maybe I should ask?” the sharp inhale of air was heard from the other side of the line

“You wouldn’t dare”

“ Try me” he said but Alex’s answer didn’t fully register for him. It’s not that Henry stopped listening to him, obviously he didn’t. It’s just that now, while lying on his bed with his eyes closed, listening to Alex rambling on the other side he could really focus on his voice. And it’s the first time he noticed how deep and velvet it is and how perfect it would sound while whispering sweet nothings into his ear.

“You there? Or did you get bored of me already”

“Huh, sorry, I spaced out what did you say?”

“Damn Fox, I could have dirty talked to you right now and you wouldn’t even notice thought you cared more about me I’m offended” He said jokingly but Henry wished he didn’t, this one comment putting way too many images in his head “Anyway I said that if you wanted to meet you could always come here but Nora and June are home so if it bothers you…”

“You know what. I know a cool quiet bar that you might like, what would you say to that?”

“It’s a date Charmer, I’ll pick you up in half an hour, you better clean up nicely” without allowing him a chance to answer Alex hang up leaving Henry alone with his extremely confusing thoughts.

For a while he was really considering dressing up but he knew Alex better than this. It’s not like the boy didn’t act the exact same way towards every single one of his friends leaving Nora frustrated and having to explain to others that she in fact wasn’t cheating on June with her brother.

It took him exactly 32 minutes to get to his apartment and knock on Henry’s door. He counted to 10 in order not to seem too eager before he opened and was met with a wonderful sight of Alex in his iconic chinos and perfectly styled hair smirking at him.

“Damn, looking good Fox”

“Wish I could say the same about you”

“You sure know how to sweet talk people, truly a prince charming” He joked while Henry was closing the door behind him

The walk couldn’t take them more than 15 minutes and if it did neither of them noticed it, the conversation between them light and easy, flowing as if they’ve known each other for years. When they entered the place only 3 or 4 other people sat by their respective tables, rock music playing from the speakers placed at the very end of the bar

“They have a patio as well, it’s more quiet in there” Henry said but went to the bar first to order something for them while Alex choose a place for them to sit. When he came back, two beers in hands he found the boy sprawled on one of the leather couches standing outside which didn’t allow much space in between them.

And for each passing minute of the conversation, and each empty bottle of beer appearing on their table there was one inch less of space between them. Henry was actively looking for any awkwardness, any hesitation or irritation from Alex’s side but despite all his attempts he found none.

He seemed to be genuinely enjoying his company, even allowing himself some sense of familiarity, a touch on the arm when he would tell a joke or hand lingering on his knee when they got particularly close to hear each other better over the sound of music getting louder.

And with each passing hour Henry found himself looking at Alex’s lips more often than not and hoping that the boy didn’t notice. And he wished he could stop thinking about Alex’s comment from the phone call because now he was starting to wonder how those lips would feel on his.

Knowing that Alex was in fact interested in more than one gender didn’t make it any easier for him either, he’s seen him aggressively make out with a few men during multiple parties and he wondered if there was the slightest chance he’d be interested in him.

But Alex didn’t have the best relationship record. Ever since him and Nora broke up he often disappeared from the party with one person or the other and never appeared with the same person again. And it left Henry wondering, if he ever decided to make a move, was there a chance for Alex to take it slow and actually try a relationship with him?

_I grab your hand and then we run to the car_

_Singing in the street and playing air guitar_

_Stuck between my teeth just like a candy bar_

_And I wonder if it goes too far_

The bar was closing at 2 in the morning. Henry was obviously aware of this fact but he wasn’t expecting them to stay this long so when the bartender kindly asked them to leave they were both equally surprised.

But obviously they left and the fresh summer night air sobered them up a little bit making either of them silent for a while.

“So I guess it’s time to say goodnight?”

“Well, we could always go to my car…” Henry gave him a look at that and Alex seemed to take full offence at it “I’m not saying we should drive somewhere. Just maybe sit there for a while more? We could always go to my place but I don’t want to wake June up”

He said and Henry felt brave for a second, grabbing Alex’s hand and guiding him to the nearest store so they could get some more beer for the occasion. The lady by the counter looked at them suspiciously but then smiled at the look of their joined hands which made Henry want to suddenly take it away. He didn’t.

It was a quarter past two and they were walking down the street to Alex’s car when he suddenly started humming and then full blown singing, while clearly laughing at Henry’s confusion.

“I love this song” he said and only then the boy noticed the song coming from the block nearby, that was previously just a white noise to him, his full attention on the law student who was currently pretending to play air guitar while shaking from side to side.

The sight of it made Henry laugh and raised his spirit and before he knew he joined the awkward singing as well. When they got to the car Alex opened the door and almost threw the beer at the drivers sit before turning to Henry

“Okay dance with me. You have to” he said and choose a song on his car radio, the exact same one he was dancing to in the club on Friday

“What here?” Henry asked leaning on the car roof on the other side

“Yes. Here. Why not?” The fact that Alex didn’t find dancing in the middle of a parking lot weird made him chuckle.

“We’re not there yet Diaz” he said and before the boy could answer Henry sat down on the passenger sit and closed the door

“Okay, rude. I don’t deserve to be treated like this” Alex said while handing him one of the beers and sitting down on the driver’s seat.

The silence that fell between them was a comfortable one, with the music filling in the car and the night still being young. Henry looked at the boy beside him, mouthing the lyrics of his favourite song with his eyes shut close and he thought he’s never seen a sight more beautiful than this.

_Oh, we're dancing in my living room_ _  
And up come my fists  
And I say, "I'm only playing"  
But the truth is this  
I've never seen a mouth  
That I would kill to kiss  
And I'm terrified, but I can’t resist_

Six weeks. That’s how much time Alex needed to fall completely in love with Henry Fox-Mountchristen and he never expected it to happen. Definitely not like this.

He should have known that was a lost fight that night when they sat in his car and everything he could think of was how easy it would be to just lean in and kiss him then and there. But it was different now.

Alex’s been attracted to Henry since the day they first met there was no hiding that fact. He was exactly the type he liked, tall, sassy, with high cheek bones and piercing blue eyes. He could have easily acted upon it before.

But he never did. Because even though he knew Henry is as gay as it gets another problem entered the picture and Alex couldn’t pretend it didn’t exist anymore.

What used to be a physical attraction turned into something much more and now even if he managed to get Henry to bed he could no longer treat him as a one night stand. The option simply wasn’t there anymore.

Alex groaned over his evening coffee when the realisation hit him like a truck and for the first time in forever he didn’t know what to do.

“Okay, stop it. You’re making me worried” He heard June saying from behind him as she looked at him with her “what did you do” look. And for a second he considered looking for an excuse but he knew it would never work. So instead he turned around to fully face her and said

“I think I’m in love with Henry” for a second he saw her collected demeanour slip

“Henry? Fox?” she asked

“Do we know more Henrys?” he asked and threw his hands in the air

“Okay, calm down. Where’s the problem here?” He looked at her as if she grew a second head

“Where’s the problem? June, I don’t even know if he’s interested”

“I could always ask Beatrice you know” She said as if it was the most obvious thing to do

He was about to answer her when the screen of his phone light up showing a message from “Prince Charming” he immediately took it to answer but glanced at June leaving the room

“Don’t even consider asking Bea about it. And don’t you dare talking to your girlfriend about it. I don’t want to know the odds” he said and left already typing away

It was Friday also known as their “bar day” It was a tradition they came up with on that night in the car. They decided that each week they’d go out and go to the bar they’ve never been before until there’s no more bars in their neighbourhood that they could check.

They had more than an hour before they were planning to meet but Alex was already getting nervous. It wasn’t exactly an unpleasant feeling per se. But it wasn’t a common one. The last time he was nervous while going out with someone was back in high school when he was dating Nora.

But today was a special day. Or so he told himself. Cause today Nora and June were visiting Bea for a ‘girls night out’ So if he wanted to make a move on Henry (and give some privacy to the girls since the Fox siblings shared the apartment) he should do it today. But somehow he didn’t know how.

Which lead to him being more quiet than usual and Henry clearly picked up on it.

“Are you okay?” he asked him somewhere in between their second and third beer “You think so much your head will explode” he added and Alex was immediately taken back to that first night at the bar when he was the one who said those words to Henry

“Oh? You’re worried about me?my own prince charming.” he asked finishing his beer in one swift movement “ I was just thinking. My place is empty today so what if we ditched this bar and it’s cheap beer and went back to mine. I have the best whiskey you’ll ever taste”

“Why are we still here then” he says and finishes his beer as well before standing up.

They walk to his apartment. And Alex fumbles for a key for a while and Henry chuckles behind his back

“Maybe you’ve had enough drinks for today, Diaz” he says and helps him out, his touch electric on Alex’s skin. His hand leaving a burning mark where they’ve touched. Alex felt like he was freezing and Henry’s warmth was the only thing that could keep him alive

He goes straight to the living room while Henry takes off his jacket and immediately pours them some drinks. For a moment he thinks he probably shouldn’t do that. Because if anything happened tonight he wants to be relatively sober and remember it all perfectly

But the need for this liquid courage wins as he takes the first sip. He sits down on the couch and puts the music on shuffle and Henry joins him immediately and they fall into an easy conversation the exact same way they’ve been doing for weeks. And Alex both loves and hates how right it feels.

And he knows he’s more than tipsy at this point and maybe that’s what makes him stand up the second he hears his favourite song.

“Come on, Charmer” he says and grabs Henry’s hand.

The boy groans but stands up anyway and when Alex tugs him closer he makes a surprised noise but doesn’t pull away. He’s not one to waste an occasion so he leads him to dance, right there in the middle of his living room. And it’s awkward and neither of them can really dance, but it’s theirs and for Alex it’s perfect the way it is.

And when the song changes into something slower he makes sure to still keep Henry close

“I told you you will dance with me one day” he says and it’s obvious how proud he is of this accomplishment and how much he enjoys the slight blush on those sharp cheekbones and he thinks for the first time in a while how would it be if he kept someone for longer than a night

Henry looks at Alex’s lips and his arms are around his neck and he runs his long fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck and he swears he’d kill to kiss those lips

  
_Here you are in my arms and I know  
That beautiful strangers  
Only come along to do me wrong _

_and I hope_ _, Beautiful stranger_

And they both make the same scenarios in their heads as they sway to the music in the middle of Alex’s apartment both so sure of their own feelings yet oblivious to the pure adoration of the other.

If you asked them about it neither would tell you who started the kiss. Maybe they didn’t really know it either. But what they knew is that it’s sweet and tender and filled with more emotion than any of them expected.

_And I wonder if it goes too far to say_ _  
I've never recognized a purer face  
You stopped me in my tracks  
And put me right in my place  
Used to think that loving  
Meant a painful chase  
But you're right here now  
And I think you'll stay_

They stop just for a minute to take a breath and Alex’s hands are on Henry’s cheeks and he thinks he’s never seen someone with a face so angelic and pure and for a moment he wonders if it’s real. If maybe he should take advantage of this moment because it’s just a dream and if the thinks about it for too long it will slip past his fingers.

And Henry looks back at his lips again and before they know it they’re kissing and there are hands roaming all over their bodies and Alex think’s that maybe, just maybe it’s not what he thinks it is.

Maybe Henry just wants to give it a try. Maybe it’s all out of curiosity. Alex knows the boy had his fair share of one night stands and maybe that’s just the moment when they add each other’s names to the long list of strangers they’ll never see again.

So he takes Henry’s shirt off and guides him towards the bedroom because he thinks that’s what he wants, because that’s what everyone always wants.

But those long fingers wrap around his wrists and bring them up to Henry’s face and those red swollen lips kiss the palms of his hands and he stops him right there and Alex doesn’t really know how to act.

“I hope it’s okay” he says while his piercing blue eyes keep him right in his spot “but I don’t want tonight to end like this”

They end up in the bedroom anyway, but not like he thought they would. They’re there on his bed, wrapped in each other’s arms. Alex’s head on Henry’s chest and when he looks up he sees the pure adoration and hope on his face.

He wonders if that’s what being in love feels like.

_I think it’s finally, finally, finally safe_

_For me to fall_


End file.
